Pineapples
by magpieforjoy
Summary: There are many great mysteries in How I Met Your Mother. But arguably the most infamous of these is The Pineapple. These 10 drabbles attempt to offer different explanations to the eternal question: “Damn it, Trudy! What about the pineapple?”


**1.**

"Woah, Ted! Are you okay?"

"I am fine, good sir, I just need to ride my stallion to my castle, and I will engage in a feast of the finest pineapples in the land. Hehe, pineapples. I would eat pineapples with you, pretty lady!" He directed that declaration at Trudy as he saw her watching his friends help him up and out of the bar. Trudy smiled.

*******

"Okay, I'll meet you there." Trudy closed her phone. This was crazy, but she needed crazy tonight. "75thand Amsterdam, please." A grocery store caught her eye. "Actually, could you make one stop?"

* * *

**2.**

"Night, Ted."

"Love you too, buddy."

Ted rolled out of bed. He was starving! Ted crawled out the window and stumbled down the fire escape. He rounded the corner and pushed the door open, blinking in the fluorescent lights.

"This isn't MacLaren's!" It was the corner convenience store, and Ted's attention was arrested by a display. He quickly made his purchase, crept up the fire escape, and was ready to eat the pineapple when –

"Aw, there's no knife!" He shoved the fruit under his pillow, opened his bedroom door, and frowned.

"What was I doing?... Oh!"

"I'm back, baby doll!"

* * *

**3.**

"Sleep it off, Bro."

Ted tried to sleep, snuggling into his blankets. He had the oddest craving for a pineapple. Screw drunk dialing rules, this was important! He called 411.

"City and state, please?" Several drunken explanations for what he wanted later, there was a knock at the apartment door.

"Ah, good man! Set the produce on the table, and I shall pay thee most generously!" The delivery boy shrugged, figuring that a fifty dollar drunken tip wasn't a bad way to end a night.

Now in possession of his goal, Ted pondered what to do.

"I'm back, baby doll!"

* * *

**4.**

"Really? Great!… Wait, really? Great!"

Carl looked up from wiping up the bar, surprised. "Hey, so that worked out?"

"Yep, I'm gonna do something stupid, and it's gonna be great. Great great great great. WAIT! Why do you have a pineapple?" Ted laid his head sideways on the bar and examined the fruit.

"It's for the Red Dragons – there's some juice in there and it's best fresh. Did you like it?"

"I did, and for that, I salute you. I'm gonna need this," Ted declared, and he grabbed the pineapple and stumbled out of the bar. Carl shook his head.

* * *

**5.**

Ted waited on the steps for Trudy to arrive. It felt like he'd been waiting forever! Suddenly, he saw a car, tires squealing, race down the street. The car stopped in front of him.

"Hey, you!"

Ted was too drunk to be terrified – normally, this situation was not ideal so late at night in New York.

"Yeah?"

"Heads up!" A pineapple sailed in the air from the car, and miraculously into Ted's waiting arms. The car took off just as another sped around the corner and followed the first one in hot pursuit.

Minutes later... "Trudy! Look what I got!"

* * *

**6.**

When Ted left the apartment the second time (Barney would never know! Hehe!), his ankle hurt again. Time for more of that healing alcohol! Before entering the bar, he spotted a group of young men smoking.

"Excuse me, good sirs, could you spare some aspirin?"

One man smirked and handed Ted some tablets.

"Enjoy those, dude."

*******

When Trudy arrived later on, Ted was talking to a confused, scruffy, probably homeless man holding a pineapple.

"O Great Fruit of the Tropics, I bend to your will and submit my destiny! Yes, I shall care for your offspring, the Pineapple of Knowledge!"

* * *

**7.**

Once Ted stopped thinking, he did a lot of things that he wouldn't normally do… including showing up at a random party. He pulled out his phone again. "Trudy! Change of plans – I'm at this Hawaiian Luau down the block. Yeah, it's 7658 Amsterdam, and there are pretty colored lights around the windows. You can't miss it."

When Trudy got to the party, Ted appeared to have downed some more alcohol, since he seemed even more sloshed than before.

"Look what I won in the limbo contest, Truuuudy!" He proudly brandished a pineapple. "Shhh, I cheated and crawled. Don't tell!"

* * *

**8.**

"You're cute, you know that?"

"I know – I'm the cutest cutie pie ever, I was most likely to be cute in high school, and I was in the Alpha Cute-a Cute-erson Fraternity in college. Cross my heart I'm telling the truth!" Trudy giggled at Ted's drunken antics as they swayed up the stairs. Once they reached the landing, Ted gasped upon sighting the most interesting aspect of the hallway: a fruit gift basket in front of a neighbor's door!

"I LOVE pineapples! Let's take it and drink pineapple shots– that's something stupid!" They took the fruit and ran, laughing hysterically.

* * *

**9.**

"This pineapple is symbolic of this night that we share. This is a momentous occasion, Trudy, and we must savor it," Ted grasped the pineapple closely to his chest and looked heavenward for a moment. "So, shall we cut it open and make pineapple cups? Oooh!! We can drink out of them!" Trudy gently tugged the fruit away from Ted and set it on the nightstand.

"I think I have a better idea…"

"Okay! I wonder why it's pineapple instead of applepine. And why it's called that – it doesn't taste like pine OR app – mmmm, alright, something else it is!"

* * *

**10.**

Barney groaned, cramped from the tub. This might not have been the best place to sleep, but he had been too drunk last night to make it out of the apartment. He smirked, recalling how his bro finally embraced not thinking. An idea struck him… one that was so... _legendary_... that he couldn't NOT do it.

Ten minutes later, he crept into Ted's room, focused entirely on making sure Ted didn't wake up. He placed the pineapple on the night stand, and, hearing Marshall and Lily's voices, bolted out the door, back to the bathroom. Once safe, he giggled quietly.


End file.
